How Would You Describe Yourself?

The other night, a friend and I were talking. She was pondering how differently she described herself than her friend, who used religion as one of her identifiers. She said that religion was not something she would use as her own descriptor and that she’d probably say her gender and her job. She asked me how I would describe myself. I froze for a moment and then said hesitantly, “Funny. Woman. Mom.” Then, we moved on from the conversation.

I’ve thought a lot more about it since then. I think most of us describe ourselves in terms of things that are important to us or that define us in a way that other people will quickly get what we are about and who we are.

I realize, though, that to describe myself more accurately, I need to go into who I am and who I am not.

Now for a do-over.

Friend: Laura, how would you describe yourself?

Me: Well,

• I’m not the friend who is going to bake you a homemade lasagna when you are recovering from an illness, but I am the one who will create and share a cultivated Spotify playlist to motivate you to get better and text you regularly to tell you I love you.

• I’m not the mom who will send out Christmas cards early with the whole family wearing matching PJs, but I am the one who used to make up games and songs to make my young child laugh until her sides hurt.

• I’m not the daughter who calls my mom every night to check in, but I am the one who regularly takes her on fun excursions to places she didn’t even know she wanted to go but ends up loving.

• I’m not the worker who will be glued to my computer at all hours of the day and night and be at my clients’ becks and calls, but I am the one who will get my work done quickly and get it done really well.

• I’m not the wife who will buy my spouse romantic gifts, but I am the one his coworkers remember and love when I schmooze with them at his company party.

• I was not a college student who ever wanted to join a sorority, but today I consider my many wonderful female friends to be like sisters and my chosen family.

• I'm not a member of the LQBTQIA+ community, but I'm an ally who believes everyone should be able to be and love who they want.

• I’m not the friend who will always remember when your party is supposed to be (Side note: Sorry for being a week early to your cookie party, Andrea.) But I am the one who, when I come at the correct date and time, will bring you a You are a Badass Talking Button as a gift just because.

• I’m not the friend who always remembers to put things away correctly or promptly when I’m at your house, but I am the one who will happily help you take care of your kids when you need assistance.

• I'm not a Millenial or a Boomer, but have lovely friends from both generations along with a GenZ daughter, while enjoying my own status as a member of the oft-forgotten GenerationX.

• I'm not the wife who makes gourmet meals, but am the one who forgives easily and doesn't hold grudges.

• I’m not a mother who is always going to say and do the right thing in a calm voice, but I am the one who will apologize when I’m wrong and will always be there to listen and give solid advice when asked.

• I am not the neatest housekeeper in the world, but I have every good intention to be better, even if my house doesn’t convey this yet.

• I’m not the pet owner who…..Forget it. Who am I kidding? I AM the pet owner who dresses my fur babies up in ridiculous costumes, talks to them using baby talk, tells them what a good boy and girl they are constantly, and fills up my cell phone’s photo album with nearly identical images of them.

Now I’ll ask you: How would you and would you not describe yourself?